November 9, 2025
Making Room to Be Yourself
1 Samuel 16:1-13
Our theme this year is Making Room, extending Christ’s welcome. Today we are shifting focus slightly, and for the next few weeks looking at how the welcome of Christ transforms our personal lives. Today I want to speak with you about making room to be yourself, to be confident, to be who you are.
Speaking of self-esteem. Thank you for what you did for your pastors during pastor appreciation month! Thanks to the personnel committee for leading the appreciation efforts. Thanks to you for writing to each of your pastors here.
On the cover of your bulletin this morning, you’ll see Norman Rockwell’s painting “Girl at Mirror.” A young girl sits before her mirror, magazine open on her lap showing a glamorous movie star. She’s comparing – her own face to the idealized image, wondering who she is and who she’s supposed to be. Some say it is Rockwell’s best work: a tender portrait of a universal struggle: How do I measure up? Am I becoming who I am supposed to be?
That question doesn’t belong only to adolescence, though that’s when it hits hardest. It shows up in every stage of life. Today I want to talk with you about self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence – and about a God who sees differently than we see.
Let us pray.
Our story from 1 Samuel is one of the most important stories in the Old Testament, and it is shocking in a way.
Samuel is the most important holy person in Israel, with a unique role between God and the people, and he makes a rookie mistake. He judges a book by its cover. More specifically, he judges a person by their external appearance.
God has rejected Saul as king and sent Samuel to Jesse’s house in Bethlehem to anoint the next king. When Samuel arrives, Jesse parades his sons before him. The eldest, Eliab, steps forward. He’s tall, handsome, looks every inch a king. Samuel thinks, “Surely this is the one.”
But God says no.
“Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for the LORD does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”
Seven sons pass before Samuel. Seven times God says no.
Finally, Samuel asks, “Are all your sons here?”
Well, there’s the youngest. He’s out keeping the sheep. Somebody had to. He’s just a kid.
“Send for him,” Samuel says.
David arrives, dirty, ruddy-cheeked, a boy from the fields. And God says, “This is the one.”
Samuel fell into the trap of central casting.
He looks the part. The cut of his jaw, the outline of his statures, the wave in his hair, the tailoring of his clothes. He must be right for the part.
Even God’s prophet got it wrong. He was about to make the same mistake everyone makes: measuring worth, ability, potential by appearance, by what impresses.
But God says: I don’t see that way. I look on the heart.
It is challenging at any age to be yourself – to be confident in who you are and what you’re about, to lead from your heart. We often think of mid-life as the time when self-identity comes into crisis, and that’s real.
Yet the time when self-esteem and self-confidence becomes most challenging – and is most consequential – is adolescence and young adulthood.
Do you remember those years? I do. My clothes never quite fit right. I always felt outside of the cool kids group, looking in wondering what it was like to be in that circle.
I had the particular awkwardness of being a pastor’s kid. I never liked telling people what my dad did, and the spotlight that put on me. You know, we have 9 young pastors’ kids – children and teenagers – in our church, children of your staff and of other pastors who are active here.
When you’re an adolescent, it is a real and very important struggle to figure out who you as you are becoming your own person and so many voices tell you who you should be.
The central task of adolescence is to develop a sense of self-identity, a self-concept: who am I, what am I about, what matters to me. Our neurobiology in those years makes it harder.
Adolescent brains are uniquely sensitive to peer influence. As young people develop their sense of self, they see themselves – who they are or could be – reflected back in the people around them. A casual comment from a peer or a respected adult can echo for days. (I was remembering a word of criticism just this wee from when I was 19.)
Social media and media culture makes it harder: an Instagram post or a reel can trigger hours of comparison.
The pressure to fit in and measure up is relentless.
The stakes may be higher than we might think. Recently at a Faith and Health Forum at Princeton Seminary, Dr. Lisa Miller of Columbia University shared this research. Do you know the leading cause of death among high school students now? Suicide – surpassing auto accidents.
And here’s what else caught my attention. A meta-analysis – a study of many studies – showed that participation in a spiritual group, a group oriented around spiritual practices and spiritual life, reduces the likelihood of a completed suicide in adolescents by 82%.
It’s two to three times more effective than any other intervention we know. As Dr. Miller pointed out, if we could give that to a child in a pill, every parent would line up for it.
Let that sink in for a moment, the importance of spiritual community.
That’s why the people who surround teenagers and young adults matter so much. Research consistently shows that young people develop resilience when they have at least one adult who loves them unconditionally while also holding them to high expectations.
Adults who celebrate their strengths and see them for who they truly are, not just who they’re supposed to be, help adolescents develop the inner grounding they need.
This is where the church can be a powerful presence in a young person’s life. We are a tapestry of intergenerational relationships, with adults who care deeply. We offer community that says: you belong here. We point toward purpose that extends beyond image, or achievement or status. When that happens, self-esteem and mental health improve dramatically.
Now, I’m focusing on adolescence this morning because the research shows it’s such a critical window. But the truth is, this struggle to know and trust who we really are when the voices around us are so loud – that echoes through every stage of life.
I have a birthday this week, and birthdays have a way of making you take stock. I’m only in middle age, but my body reminds me I’m not 25. And I need my daughter to show me how to change the screen on my phone. And I was never very culturally with it, but I feel much less so every day. And if I’m honest, the same self-doubt I felt as an awkward teenager still shows up, just wearing different clothes.
Studies show that, besides adolescence, the time in life when self-esteem takes a real hit is when we pass 70. Are you with me?
We navigate changes that retirement brings. Changes in our bodies and what we can do. Changes in our friends and families. Financial challenges and limitations. Technology and culture that moves quickly.
It is easy to feel less with it, less strong, less useful, less relevant.
The need to be seen truly, to be valued for who we are rather than what we produce or how we appear – doesn’t expire at age 25.
Which is why what God says to Samuel matters so much.
The LORD does not see as mortals see. The LORD looks on the heart.
That can sound frightening at first. God sees everything? Even the parts we hide?
But God is good, and God is merciful, and God is loving. So, it is not frightening to be seen by God. It is healing and liberating to be seen and known and loved.
When God looked at David’s heart, he didn’t see moral perfection. David makes terrible mistakes. God saw something else.
Let’s think about Saul for a moment. Saul looked the part of a king – he was tall, impressive, out of central casting. But over time it became clear he was insecure, prideful, afraid. He was rejected by God not because of his appearance but because he shallow.
God looks on the heart. What does that mean?
In Hebrew, “heart” doesn’t primarily mean emotions. It means the center of your intellect, will, moral character. Heart is who you are in your inmost self – the seat of your thinking, your choosing, your being.
When scripture talks about a heart that God desires, it means a heart that is responsive and open. A willingness to be obedient to God. An orientation of the inner life toward God rather than away from God.
God saw David’s heart. A willingness to be faithful. A desire to worship. A mind and will that wanted to follow. A capacity to repent when he got it wrong. God saw an inner person who would seek to love God and love people.
This is what God values. This is what we should look for in ourselves. This is how we should develop our self-concept – not based on what we can buy, or where we can go, or what we can do, or who we know, but on the orientation of our hearts.
This is what we should look for in our leaders – in teachers, and pastors, and elders, and friends – and in mayors, and representatives, and governors, and kings, and presidents. Not who looks the part, but who has the heart.
Jesus, throughout his ministry, demonstrated God’s ability to see people. Jesus looked past surface appearances, past labels, past even people’s own self-condemnation, and saw who they were and who they could become.
We heard it in our gospel reading this morning. Nathanael approaches Jesus with skepticism. He’s heard something from his friend Philip about this teacher from Nazareth, but he’s not convinced. “Can anything good come from Nazareth?”
Jesus sees Nathanael coming and says, “Here is truly an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.”
Nathanael is startled: “Where did you get to know me?”
Jesus answers, “I saw you under the fig tree before Philip called you.” I saw you.
He broke through to Nathanael’s heart. He saw through the skeptic to the sincerity underneath, saw past the cool dude to the honest seeker, saw past the poser to the person without pretense.
Jesus sees.
Think about Peter.
He saw Peter, after the resurrection, saw past his betrayal and denial and regret, to the one who loved him and wanted to serve.
“Do you love me, Peter?” “Then feed my sheep.” Jesus saw to Peter’s heart.
Jesus saw Zaccheus, up in the sycamore tree. When everyone else saw a corrupt tax collector and a wee little man physically and morally, Jesus saw someone hungry for something more, someone worth breaking bread with.
Jesus saw the woman caught in adultery. When other men saw a woman they were ready to scapegoat and stone, Jesus saw a whole person worthy of dignity and a future: “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”
Jesus saw lepers, whom society shunned. He did not see people to be afraid of, or threats to society, he saw human beings – human beings desperate to be restored physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Jesus sees the heart. He sees past our failures and fears, past designer labels and people labels, past condemnation and self-condemnation.
He sees who we truly are and who God is calling us to become.
And then he calls that self to come forward. Jesus doesn’t leave us where we are. He sees what’s in us and invites it into the light.
This is where and how the church can be a witness to God in the lives of each one of us and in our culture. As the voices of our culture tell stories of who we should be and who is important – we tell the story of a God who looks on the heart, who values different things, who forgives all our sins, and who calls forth a person that is good and faithful and true.
We do this for young people who are asking questions and making mistakes and figuring things out. We love them and hold them to high expectations. We help them discover purpose beyond themselves. In a culture of comparison and pressure, we offer life-giving community grounded in God’s vision of who they are.
And we do this for middle-age adults who are asking questions and making mistakes and figuring things out. And we do this for older adults who are asking questions and making mistakes and figuring things out. We do this for each other, at every age. We bear witness to God’s vision and God’s values. We practice seeing one another the way God sees us.
Conclusion
Make room to be yourself whatever age you are. With the Spirit working within you, make room for God’s love and grace to call you out. Seek out a spiritual community, relationships, who can amplify the Spirit’s voice and tell you what God sees.
And let us make room for one another, as we learn to see each other through God’s eyes.
For the Lord does not see as mortals. The Lord looks on the heart.
Thanks be to God.
Amen.
Rev. Patrick W. T. Johnson, Ph.D.
First Presbyterian Church
Asheville, North Carolina